About to snap...

People in general is starting to get on my last everlasting nerve. I do not know why God is putting all these family members to try and get on my bad side. My family is getting next to me and not in the good way. I am getting at my wits end. My biological mom is talking to me like I am a new mother... Hell my daughter is almost 5. I've helped raise kids almost all my damn life... I do not need a refresher. She tries to be a mother to me now and I will be 30 this year... Ummmm... TOO LATE!!!
   The mama that raised me is really tapping on my last nerve, I be about to snap. She complains about her grand-daughter every breath she takes, but she continues to cater after her like she is a got damn 2 year old. She complains about my brother who begs... and complains... and bitches about everything and everyone(to me). She complains about keeping my other brother's kids but, she sitting up here keeping someone else's damn child and I wouldn't be so agg'd about it if she didn't complain so much about my child.
     I need a spiritual healing so bad it's sick. I am either the middle man, messenger or the mediator. No one knows what really goes on with me because no one asks and when I try to vent.. I get ignored. I'm tired. Something has to change. Either somebody begging, asking for advice, venting to me, asking me to deliver a message instead of doing it themselves. I am sick of being there for people when no one is there for me(emotionally) but GOD. I know HE is all I need but sometimes I need a person to listen and understand that is of this world.
    Where is my shoulder to cry on?? I get a headache everyday from other peoples bs. I hide behind a smile, or a joke, or sarcasm, when on the inside I am truly tormented. I am thankful for everything that GOD has done for me and know life is not simple, but considering what I have been through you would think it would get better.I love God with all my heart and with the depths of all my being and I know that things are going to change, but on His time... Not mines...  Until then... I will keep my faith and continue to pray for my rainbow in  the clouds.

Still

STILL..
I lay here with you on my mind..
It seems like you are one of a kind..
STILL...
I rack my brain..
Cuz this shyt is about to drive me insane
STILL..
Wonderin why I want you so bad..
LORD Have Mercy on me cuz this is sad...
STILL..
Youre clueless on how much I want you...
Thinking to myself.. "If he only knew...
STILL...
Sayin to myself, "Wats wrong wit me"...
I need help to analyse my inner psyche..
STILL..
My body aches 4 you and I dont know why...
I just want to crawl in a dark hole and cry...
STILL...
When i see you my thoughts become obscence..
But I take a deep breath to remain serene...
STILL...
All my close friends know about my crush.
They know how i am so they keep it on hush...
STILL...
Building up the courage to confess my devotion..
To let you know that you are my one and only notion..
BUT....
STILL...
I feel that this will never be...
Truth is...
I dont have the nerve to let you get to know the real me...
STILL............

Tired

TIRED OF PEOPLE AND THEIR BULLSHYT...
LIARS, CHEATERS, AND MANIPULATORS...
MAN THIS SHYT NEEDS TO QUIT...
SOME MEN ARE SO TRIFLIN AND SOME WOMEN ARE TOO...
HAS EVERYONE 4GOTTEN HOW TO BE HONEST AND TRUE..
IVE LOVED AND LOST, IVE LIVED, LEARNED AND HAD FUN...
SHYT I AM 26 YRS OLD...
ALL THE LAME AND CHILDISH MIND GAMES SHOULD BE OVER AND DONE.
YOU SAY THAT YOURE GROWN..
SO ACT THAT WAY...
YOU TELL FOLKS YOU KEEP IT 100 SO U SHOULD MEAN EVERYTHIN YOU SAY..
I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE DONT ACT THIER AGE...
THEY ACT THEIR SHOE SIZE..
AND BE THE FIRST ONE'S TO CLAIM THAT THEY'RE NOTHIN BUT WISE.
YOU SAY YOURE READY 4 MONOGAMY..
SOMETHIN THAT IS "REAL"...
YOU ARE A GROWN ASS MAN....
TRUELY SPEAK HOW YOU FEEL...
IF YOU JUST WANTED CASUAL SEX...
YOU KNOW ME, IT WOULDVE BEEN COOL...
NOW YOUVE BEEN CAUGHT CHEATIN...
AND NOW YOU FEEL LIKE A DAMN FOOL.
I AM OH SO TIRED OF THE STUPID THINGS PEOPLE DO...
BUT MOST OF ALL...
IM SICK AND TIRED OF NIGGAS LIKE YOU..

Cry

To strong to let them come out my eyes
So imma let my words cry for me..
Life is so rough and i'm trying to be strong
I try and try to do my best but something always goes wrong
As we go thru this journey we experience our twists and turns
All the things people go thru, we just have to live and learn
The pastor always says that God takes us thru obstacles to make us stronger
But the way my life is going right now
I just don't know if I can take this much longer
The bible says that God won't put us thru more than we can bear
Yet in my heart I just don't think my life is fair
When my family goes "crazy" I do my best to be respectful... and hold my tongue
I hate drama so I just tuck in my tail and run
My heart is so heavy,I just want to cry out Loud
Instead I mask my feelings so that it seems that I'm overly proud...
I'm a good person, or at least I try to be
But sometimes I just break down and ask God
"WHY ME"?
Now people say that crying cleanses the soul...
But I've been hurt and disappointed so much..
That my heart has grown cold
I know things will get better
For all I need God will supply
Until then...
I just have to let go....
AND CRY......